Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
