You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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