Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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