So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here