So drunk its hurt
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
