i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
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I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
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Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.