Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
