That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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