okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Dating After Heartbreak
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.