I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period