Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
