I cockslap morals
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
