If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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