My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
