: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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