I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
