I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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