Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
