forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
