My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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