I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize
