i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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