Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
