Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
