apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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