YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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