I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
