the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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