my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
