i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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