if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My dick has a subreddit
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it