You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner