how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.