I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.