Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.