She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb