living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?