Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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