Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
