you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
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I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
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ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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