if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize