i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
