awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
