im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
