i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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