Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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