when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
