How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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