So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize