god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
