Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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