Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
whose parrot is this?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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