what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
