Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
