I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
not ubering you a puppy
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
