he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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