i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Randomize
