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Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
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