Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
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Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.