..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.