thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap