I just saw a hot homeless man
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.