i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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