it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
