did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
