you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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