I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
