Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
