U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
