Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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