And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
