Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
