oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Randomize
