dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
