The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
