look no pants
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
