the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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