I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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