Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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