I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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