I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
